LittleFluffyCloud

did he say to go right or left? RIGHT OR LEFT??!!

this is a re-post from last summer. but we're doing it again this weekend, so thought i'd post again, rather than come up with something unique and witty to say. watts ranch, part II.

we're going toobing this weekend. yes, when you do it in texas, you spell it with two "o"'s rather than a "u". i don't know why, i don't make the rules.

if you live in texas and you drink beer, you have most likely taken part in this time-honored tradition. reason being is because a toobing vacation fulfills everything on a texan's vacation must-have checklist:

1. it takes place in the outdoors.
2. you can drink in public. legally.
3. it's cheap.
4. there's a lot of girls wearing budweiser and american flag bikinis.
5. you can pee wherever you're at.
6. did i mention drinking is legal on the river?
7. you can eat sausage. (i'll explain this one in a minute)
   

i really do love floating the river, but man is it white trash. you'll see everything out there, but dominating the crowds are old cowboys with beer bellies and used-up trailer chicks that will do anything to get attention. it's quite entertaining, i must say.

so for those of you that haven't been privy to the toobing scene, here's how it goes...

you rent a toob for like $8, and the must-have cooler toob for another $15. you lug these dirty things barefoot to the stinky, un-air-conditioned bus, and sit next to either some dirty old man that can't take his eyes off your breasts, or some cute 18-year old girl that has zero cellulite and a perfect tan. bitch.
then you ride over to the river, where you'll be briefed by the locals as to which rapids to avoid and which route to take. this part scares me, as i have taken the wrong turn once, and found myself underwater gasping for air. and i'm sure having 20 beers in me had nothing to do with it.
then you jump in. your group desperately ties their toobs together, and you don't want to be the one tied to the cooler, 'cause that means you're beer wench.
and then you sit back and relax. your butt is cold, your shoulders are burned, and your beer is warm, but it sure is fun!

the sausage man... after drinking 30 beers and sitting out in the sun all day, there is nothing that tastes as good as a home-cooked sausage wrapped in foil. this guy could charge $50 for this sucker and people would pay. i smell that yummy goodness and i start screaming at bryan to find cash! pay the guy whatever he wants! i want one of those bad boys NOW!

toobing is sort of an art. kind of. not really. but it requires a little know-how in order to achieve the perfect toobing experience. for instance, if you're a smoker, don't forget your cigarettes. in fact, bring backups. bryan forgot his last time and it SUCKED. the rest of us suffered as a result. would you hang around someone the first day they quit smoking? no. so why would you want to be tied to them in a tube? just thinking of it gives me the chills.

too bad we're not camping, then we would get the FULL texan experience. but we're sleeping in style at our friend's ranch house... they own a 5-bedroom ranch near the river, and we're planning on grilling and hanging out there all weekend. a perfect texas vacation.

posted on Friday, August 11, 2006