your daily dose of steroids.
so. i absolutely must start this entry off by giving a pre-apology to one of my bff's. it sorta kinda pertains to something she is going to do, but kinda not. she's way too sweet to ever be mad at me, so i don't even know why i bother with the pre-apology, so let's just call it a disclaimer. to her and anyone else that this might sorta kinda pertain to.(and for the record, i don't typically hand out apologies so easily, but the mere thought of upsetting obese allyce is just horrifying. only for her would i stoop to something as ridiculous as a pre-apology. not for fefa though.)
wow, that was way too long for a disclaimer. it's like i actually care or something.
so obese allyce is about to start competing in fitness competitions. which i think is way cool, and totally something she should have done a long time ago. anyone who knows her knows she has the genes, the discipline and the implants for it.
in case you're not familiar with these competitions, there are 3 main areas: fitness, where they dance and do acrobatics and whatnot; figure, where they pose and look lean and muscular; and bodybuilding, where they just look muscular.
of course those aren't the technical definitions, but since they're MY definitions, that's all that really counts.
obese allyce will be concentrating on the figure portion. which she will totally win.
so she has been sending me some links to different competitions, and as usual, curiousity got the better of me and i began perusing through the mega-steroidal-women-that-could-crush-me-with-their-pinkie section. and this is what i found:
oh wait, am i in the men's section? i thought i clicked on "women's bodybuilding". but clearly this is a man. kinda looks like my friend gay carl. and totally looks like one of his outfits. okay, gotta find the women's section.......
oh. nevermind. i guess i was in the women's section. right? he, i mean she, is wearing a bikini top, indicating that this is a woman, but everything else points to the highly likely possibility that this is a man. even more likely that this is gay carl.
check out the chick on the left. she is NOT amused by the fact that #16 looks much more feminine than her. she is SO going to kick her ass when they walk off the stage. poor thing is going to suffer what we in the industry call 'roid rage. the one on the right had too much protein powder for breakfast and is trying not to fart.
i've decided she's my favorite. the pink hair, the long nails, kinda reminds me of betsey johnson. and she's managed to keep most of her boobs intact.
and look at how she works this ensemble. that's hot.
poor girl. her head shrunk AND she has an outie. someone's not going home with a trophy tonight. oh, and 1987 called, they want their makeup back.
all i see is scrunchie. i would have knocked off 10 points just for that.
this dude tried to enter the women's competition by pretending he was a chick. dude, the skirt doesn't fool us! he's all "look at me! i'm a girl! i wear skirts! see how pretty i am?"
wait... we're supposed to have TWO muscles in our calves? well i'll be damned.
i always wonder how these chicks look in real-life clothes. like do they just look bigger? or do the fake tans accentuate the muscles so in real clothes they look pretty normal? well here's the answer. instead of being a bodybuilder that could kick our collective asses, she's a bodybuilder in a pink dress that could kick our collective asses. and maybe win the homecoming crown.
her best titanic pose. see, kate winslet doesn't look so bad now afterall, eh?
whoa!
imagine waking up next to that in the morning.
what's that term... missing link?
omg! is that dustin hoffman? he must be doing a sequel to tootsie.
she's checking to see if she grew an adam's apple yet. nope! not there! where's my testosterone pills?!
and btw, what's with the little crazy muscles around the hoo-ha area? that is so weird.
um.... this is new.....
oh no.
it dances?
and then here's a few that my captions are not even worthy of.
so there ya have it. you can't hate on the girls (even though i just did), since it takes major discipline, hard work and plenty of pills to get to this point. and let's face it, you're all way too lazy to strive for such perfection. but not me. i could totally do this if i wanted, but i like a little fat on my body. that way, when i fall down, i got lots of cushion. and i do fall down a lot, in case you were wondering. it's sort of my 'thing'.
posted on Wednesday, September 19, 2007
5 Comments:
Ahahaha! That was great Sarah...and no need to apologize, I am NOT striving to look like that...don't even think it would be possible, since I am not on roids! But...you COULD have at least shown a picture of a pretty "Figure" competitor!! :)t
Wow, just freakin wow! I didn't know muscles were shaped like some of those. That's a surprise. And yeah, the muscles in the whoo ha area on that one....I haven't found those yet...nor do I want to.
That is super mega scary stuff.
Since I started running I have noticed muscles popping up in strange places (including the top of my inner thighs but not like that!) and I am in the process of dropping 10lbs to see if it helps me run faster but if it doesn't I am sooooo eating it all back on.
3 things which no one will agree with and then I'll leave it alone:
1. ALL of those pictures you posted were Female Bodybuilders. None of them were figure competitors. Even among the industry there's an "unease" about the current state of Female bodybuilding and what it is becoming. However, I will say that not all of them look that "extreme". They may not fall under the mainstream ideal for "sexy" but I'm guessing that's not the point. We need to get over this societal norm of thinking that female athletes have to conform to our idea of sexiness.
2. All of that being said I'm against female athletes taking male hormones (steroids) in an effort to get more muscular. There are some very attractive natural female bodybuilders out there who still wouldn't look "sexy" to most people in contest shape.
3. We all have two calf musles, men, women everyone. Theirs are just better developed. Most women lack the genetic disposition to gain mass anywhere NEAR what these women possess. Estrogen is not the most anabolic of hormones.
These women face ridicule wherever they go. Some would say its deserved, but some would say that they are harming no one but themselves so what's the harm?
I'll leave that decision up to everyone to decide on their own.
i can definitely respect your views cory, and for sure, they worked hard to get where they're at. but being lfc, i took the low road and made fun of them. i like to be consistent.