awkward? not at all.
so i'm in my doctor's office. the crazy one. HE'S not crazy, i am. well crazy isn't the right word, but in the interest of lumping me into a category, i'm crazy. and he might be too. i'm just assuming he isn't, since he went through medical school, he must be kind of normal. but sitting and listening to crazy people all day might make one crazy, so who knows.i go every few months, to touch base, assure him i'm not having suicidal thoughts, or wanting to kill those around me (i totally lied - muahahahaha), and am still functioning as a normal person - as if the chemicals in my brain weren't all askew.
i'm rambling on about my rituals, my sleeping patterns and my irrational moments. answering questions i've answered before, and probably giving him plenty of material for his next dinner party. i know what i'm really paying for here buddy - to give all your friends a big laugh.
it's common for my doctor to retrieve a resident to sit in on the evaluation portion of my session, to discuss meds and future scenarios. thank God i've never heard the words 'electroshock' or 'straight jacket' in those discussions, but if i'm really crazy, maybe i've blocked those moments out.
so he goes to get a resident, discuss my 'case' with this person, and bring him in to listen to our conversation.
have you ever heard the phrase "houston is the smallest big city?"
in walks an ex-boyfriend of a friend.
OH.
MY.
GOD.
it would be bad enough running into a REAL-LIFE person going to get a flu shot, or giving blood, or to discuss why your pee stinks. but at the HEAD DOCTOR?? this guy has seen me out at parties, wearing tutu's, drinking endless glasses of champagne, and all around acting like the crazy person that i am. but he probably just figured i was a fun, drunk person. i mean, a really HOT, fun, drunk person. but now he knows i am ACTUALLY CRAZY. he is so totally going to tell my doctor to make a mark in my file that she's not as normal as she seems. up her dosage - she wears tutu's in public!!! (all of a sudden instead of the Barbie look i was going for, all i can see is Ace Ventura at the insane asylum)
i only met him a few times, so i wasn't sure if he remembered me. but the fact that he couldn't look me in the eyes pretty much answered that question.
the good thing was that he didn't sit in on the nitty gritty part of my session. the real dirty stuff. the stuff that would totally come out if i were to run for political office. which i should, because i would ROCK. i would be all "hey y'all, let's like totally put a taco bell on every corner." whoa, i just channeled britney. which i'm okay with, because i am still a fan. and don't freak out - she's BRITNEY, hello. she rules.
ya i'm not crazy AT ALL. i am so totally normal.
posted on Tuesday, October 16, 2007
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