[Ever had a "KICK ME" sign on your back without realizing it]
Well if I didn't realize it, I wouldn't know if I had a kick me sign on my back. But if I did, whoever put it there will die a horrible death. Or maybe we'll just go shopping together, since one of my best friends probably did it. They're bitches like that.
[Do your parents actually knock on your door before entering your room, or just barge right in]
Whether they knocked or barged, it would be a shock. I would be all "I'm an adult and a homeowner, why are you here?" and they would be all "what is Bryan doing in here? You know you can't have boys in your room!" and I would be all "you're not the boss of me! I wish I was never born!"
[Are you a nymphomaniac]
Is that like someone who loves pickles so much, they would have sex with them? The answer is yes. But only the spicy ones.
[What is the equation for The Pythagorean Theorem]
I'm not a dumb blonde, I just play one in real life.
[When was the last time you experienced a power outage]
I remember it like it was yesterday. 48 hours without The Chi is the worst suffering a girl can go through. Bryan wasn't happy either - he had to pretend he still loved me with frizzy hair. It's called conditional love people, and it's what marriage is all about.
[Are you friends with anyone overweight]
Yes - I don't discriminate on weight, I discriminate on awesomeness. Meaning, if you aren't chock full o'awesomeness, you can't be my friend.
[Do you attract only dorky guys]
Dorks I can handle, guys who shave their entire bodies are another story. Dude, you're not a swimmer, step away from the razor...
[Do you drag your feet while walking]
No, all my limbs are intact and fully functional. If you have this problem, you should probably get it checked out. And also have someone look at that mole...
[Do you make your bed in the morning]
I try to, but the 130-lb dog sleeping in it makes it difficult.
[Do you own a sombrero]
Ok, I need to get something off my chest. I lied in the last question - I don't try to make my bed. Ever. I'm a slob and employ a maid. There, I feel better.
[What brand of pants are you currently wearing]
Something that no doubt makes my butt look big. And no, it's not the size of my butt, which is actually really really small and not large at all. It's the pants. Totally.
[How many dresses do you own]
Yes.
[Have you ever licked someone before, or gotten licked by someone]
I am always the licker, never the lickee. Usually because I smell like hot sauce from Taco Bell. And for some reason, that's a turn-off for most people.
[What do you do if you suddenly fart loudly in public]
Clearly you don't know me... mine are of the silent but deadly sort. Hopefully by then I've killed everyone within a 5-block radius, and I can continue eating my taco in peace.
[Do you ever wear the same socks 2 or 3 days in a row, because you never felt like taking them off]
No, in fact, I change my socks multiple times a day. I hate when socks start getting loose. I need them snug and enveloping. Unlike my men, which I need not-enveloping and very rich.
[Don't you hate it when you bend over and your underwear is visible]
No, I planned it that way.
[Has anyone ever told you to your face what they truly think about you]
I don't care what they truly think of me, as long as they tell me I'm awesome. Ignorance is bliss. Especially when you're drunk.
[Do you believe that the world will end in 2012]
Why?! Is David Beckham supposed to die that year?? TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW!
[What is your best friends' pet's name]
I have like 18 best friends, 'cause I'm awesome like that.
Here we go... Rocky, Bogie, Jax, Fero, Montana, Kitty 1 and Kitty 2, Fattie Foo, Izzi, Vedder, Moochie, Lucy, Romeo, Caesar, Penny, BJ, Paul, Ray, Spartan, Mark, Jason, Randy, Bojan and Jake. Some of them have named their pets people names, not sure what that's all about.
[What's the sweetest thing someone's ever done for you]
Bought me stuff. Last year's birthday takes the cake (get it?). From Bryan I got a trip to Miami Beach, and from friends I got a Tiffany necklace, Marc Jacob shoes, a Juicy Couture bag and a private shopping spree at Betsey Johnson. Good lord it pays to have awesome friends.
[Would you have sex with someone if it was secret]
I didn't realize that was frowned upon.
[What is a word or phrase that people use that gets on your nerves]
"Yeppers". This isn't a word people, and it's stupid, so stop saying it. And get me some champagne.