I have realized that I have become stagnant. Or rather, my mind, my intellect, whatever you want to call it.
As a child, I was considered borderline brilliant by my teachers and parents. I was placed in gifted classes at the age of 7, and remained in them through high school. I never studied, but remained an honor student until graduation, and if I once actually applied myself to my studies, I could have gone all the way.
I won spelling bees, math competitions, and academic awards, and floated through school quite easily. I took advanced placement Calculus 2 years in a row, because I could, and because there was no higher level math I could take.
I scored a 1350 on my SAT's, and knew I could have done better, but didn't care.
High school proved to be much more competitive among my peers, so my lack of study habits kept me from being the best. I cared only about my extra-curricular activities, and as long as I was making straight A's, my parents didn't pester me to study more.
College was the same. I went to the University of Houston, an average university, simply because I didn't apply in time to the larger ones all my friends went to… UT, A&M, Tech. Again, I didn't care… only my social life and my passions interested me. Who needs an education when you have drill team?
I had placed out of most basic core courses before I even reached college, so I was left to take such distinguished courses as stage movement and the history of dance. Making the most of my college career, obviously.
Too much freedom, years of weak study habits and zero scholastic competitiveness kept me from acquiring that degree. I went to school full-time for 6 years, and all I gained was a lot of fuzzy fraternity party memories, seats on every event board, and a dance squad outfit that is too small for me now.
I love my life, I loved the activities I took part in and the friends I made while doing so, but that doesn't make me feel like any less of a failure.
I think about what I could have been if I had pushed myself more academically. I could have my master's now, or be a doctor, or have gone into politics. I know that intellectually I am capable of any one of those things, and then some, but I lack the drive. Why? What pushes people to reach the top? Where do they find that ambition?
I am inherently lazy, so I know I can attribute much of my attitude to that lame characteristic. But I seem to be drawn to uneducational and empty things in life… reality tv, celebrity gossip, puff paint. Oh, what I can accomplish with puff paint, you'd be shocked.
I ask myself all the time, when did I get dumb? I have referred to myself as a smart person my entire life, but am coming to the conclusion that that is a false description, and I must remove it from my “about me†paragraphs. Am I dumb because I never take the time to further my knowledge (nor seem to care to)? Am I dumb because I often lack common sense (which most people chalk up to being blonde)? Or am I dumb, because I am just DUMB?
And even as I'm writing this, I have no desire to pick up an educational book, or take a class, or watch the History Channel. So if I continue on the path I'm on, will all that will be left be a pea-sized brain, one-word sentences, and 2 bags of silicone?